As I type this on my phone I’m looking out over a room filled with my friends and family. I look at them and feel such a gentleness hit my body; the kind of gentleness that you feel when you look at the ones you love unconditionally.
Such an interesting concept, unconditional love. Misunderstood amongst all ages today, as we are struggling within the age of me, myself and I. Conversations filled with constantly one upping the previous story, trying to redirect attention onto oneself and then waiting for reactions that either reinforce actions or further shove a person down. I know I am guilty of this offense; many of us do not realize that we are doing it when we do it. It is not necessarily a bad trait amongst the upcoming generation. We have spent years watching the generations before us keep so much inside, so much private, and constantly snap from the stress of it all. But we don’t necessarily understand how to go about communicating what we feel, and what we need. Not everyone goes through this, but a lot of people who I’ve spoken with have expressed this sentiment.
Continue reading Fear
Faith is not my legal name; although it will be when I can finally afford to. I never liked my name, and long before I started on my gender identity journey, I was on an overall who am I journey. During that time I was writing about my past, the traumas that I faced, and was told to choose a name to protect my identity. I was taking a class that focused on writing about love and loss, and my professor was going to include my essays in his textbook. I spoke about self-harm, child abuse, suicide attempts, and overall depression. To keep all of his students safe, my professor asked for pseudonyms. Faith was born then. Faith, an ideology that was broken within me. Faith, a concept that I was trying to regain in my life. Faith, one of my favorite characters on TV in a show the resonated around the world. The name became my own.
Broken, drowning, lost and feeling so disconnected from the world around me, Faith rose up within me as I navigated my world through essays, reflections and prose. Taryn Davies came later, through gentle musings and a need to feel complete. My given name is still used, out of legality, out of disrespect and out of confusion. But that girl is gone. She is gone with the gender roles and deep secrets that always held her back.
Continue reading What Do You Want To Be Called?
One of the issues that I’ve found in the LGBTQ+ community is the consistent use of umbrella terms. I understand why the practice exists, and continues. Writing out the entirety of the community could take years as a new term is added under the glorious rainbow umbrella each day. With the variations that take place even within basic terms, like “lesbian,” I understand the struggle the community faces in finding a home for all those searching for love, understanding and identity.
Then there are those outside the community trying to understand the melting pot our community has become. Many are trying to be allies, and trying to understand so that they make their loved ones feel loved and accepted. It’s hard. Years of conditioning (gender binaries, heteronormativity etc) are working against their attempts in understanding, and for them, understanding is important. It gives them a connection to us. It is something more than just “accepting” us for who we are. Continue reading I’m Not Transgender, I Have Gender Dysphoria.